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FUN TIME: NOTHING EXCITES ME LIKE OUR SOLAR ENERGY POTENTIAL

Compiled/partly written by Melvin Durai Email Compiled/partly written by Melvin Durai
June 2017
FUN TIME: NOTHING EXCITES ME LIKE OUR SOLAR ENERGY POTENTIAL

India’s Minister of New and Renewable Energy Piyush Goyal recently told the Rajya Sabha that the country added 5,525 MW of solar power generation capacity in the last fiscal year and now boasts a total of 12,288 MW.

I wasn’t sure exactly what MW stands for, so I checked with Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s adviser, and she told me that it stands for “microwaves.” In other words, India currently produces enough solar energy to operate 12,288 microwaves nonstop. Isn’t that exciting? Just imagine how much cooking you can do.

According to a Press Trust of India (PTI) report, Goyal also stated that the country has immense solar potential, as much as 748 GW. I wasn’t sure what GW stands for, but Conway confirmed that it stands for “good wives.” A good wife is someone who is able to do all the household tasks—cooking, cleaning, and washing— on solar power alone. When her husband comes home and finds out how well she used solar energy, he pats her on her back and says, “That’s a good wife!”

I know what you’re thinking: Shouldn’t we also be measuring solar power in GH (good husbands)? After all, there are many men who either stay at home and perform household tasks or at least help their wives with some of the tasks. The problem is that GH is already being used as a measurement of sound frequency. It measures how far a sound wave travels before a good husband yells, “Turn it off! I’m trying to watch cricket!”

I’m very excited about the future of solar energy. We should be using as much renewable energy as we can. That’s why I’m really eager to get involved and help promote the solar industry, whether it means buying solar panels or appearing on panels about solar energy.

I don’t know if it will happen in my lifetime, but I’m looking forward to solar-powered cars. First, we need to have more electric cars on the road, and then we can figure out how to recharge them using solar energy. Of course, the free market will figure out a way to make sure that solar energy isn’t free. And the government will jump in and make sure we pay a solar tax.

Because our cars won’t be able to generate enough solar energy by themselves, we’ll have to go to solar pump stations, where solar energy that was collected through solar farms will be “pumped” into our cars. On cloudy or cold days, when there’s little sunlight, we’ll complain about rising solar prices. Some of us will yearn for the good old days when we had cars that ran on gas.

First driver: “At least in the old days, we didn’t have to pay more whenever it rained.”

Second driver: “I’m tired of solar energy and these fluctuating prices! That’s why I’m excited about Professor Raman’s research.”

First driver: “What is he doing?”

Second driver: “Professor Raman is developing cutting-edge technology that will allow us to generate energy from the moon. Lunar energy is the future! You can get it day and night.”

First driver: “Don’t be a lunatic!”

While solar-powered cars may be a few decades away, solar-powered homes may be just around the corner for many people. Companies like Tesla are developing building materials that harness solar energy.

A home that generates its own energy is a wonderful thing. I hope I can own one by the time I retire, so I can save lots of money. Some old folks move in with their son—I’d rather depend on the sun.



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