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March 2006
Chai Time

The Sania Mania

SANIA BY THE NUMBERS

1 No. of WTA tournaments won.

2 No. of bodyguards (one works during the day, the other at night)

6 Her age when she started playing tennis.

19 Her current age. She was born on Nov. 15 1986.

32 World ranking in singles

113 World ranking in doubles

130 Her weight in pounds.

309,000 Her career earnings in dollars.

630,000 No. of Google hits for "Sania Mirza."

1.6 billion Number of times she's been asked about her tennis outfit.

SANIA'S T-SHIRT MESSAGES

''Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History.''

''Attitude Unlimited.''

``You Can Either Agree With Me, or Be Wrong.''

"I'm cute? No sh-t."

"Don't get in my way."

SANIA QUOTES

"As long as I am winning, people shouldn't care whether my skirt is six inches long or 6 feet long. How I dress is very personal thing." (The Hindustan Times)

"It is scary that every time I wear a T-shirt, it becomes a talking point for the next three days." (Associated Press)

"I think there's a difference when you have attitude and when you have arrogance. And arrogance is very different. I don't think I'm arrogant, I'm not denying I have attitude." (CNN.com)

SANIA FIRSTS

First Indian woman to reach the fourth round of a Grand Slam tournament.

First Indian woman to achieve a Top 50 world ranking.

First Indian woman to win a WTA singles title.

First Indian woman to draw millions of male viewers away from cricket.

SANIA ON THE WEB

http://www.sania-mirza.net���An unofficial fan site that includes her bio, a forum, photos and links to articles and interviews.

http://saniam.blogspot.com���A frequently updated blog with news and pictures of Sania.

http://yogesh.bizhat.com/others/sm.htm���A large collection of Sania pictures from a rabid fan.

SANIA MIRZOVA?

If Sania wants to move up in the world rankings, she can work on her fitness and serve. Or even better, she can change her last name to Mirzova. There are currently six women ranked ahead of her with a last name ending in "ova," including Maria Sherapova, Nadia Petrova and Svetlana Kuznetsova.

QUOTA OF QUOTES

"I think my Indian American heritage and relationships were a key factor in my appointment. I do believe that. It is because of the political maturity of the Indian American. A lot of people in the community pulled for me." ? Aneesh Chopra on his appointment as Virginia's Secretary of Technology. (Indo-Asian News Service)

"A lot of people think we are crazy for turning down a six-figure advance to dive into the unknown perils of online film distribution. But its time that someone put their money where their mouth is. No one ever got ahead by playing things safe." ? Indian-American writer-director Ken Rekhi, who is releasing his movie "Waterborne" through Google's online pay-per-view video store rather than a traditional distributor. (DNA)

"Suddenly, it is cool to be Indian." ? Pop singer Reggie Benjamin, who is slated to perform at the Grammy Awards. (IANS)

"The numbers I am hearing are pretty astounding. As much as 100,000 (IT professionals returning to India) since the bust in 2001." ? Kanwal Rekhi, Silicon Valley entrepreneur. (IANS)

DESI SATIRE

INDIA TO BEAT BRAZIL IN WORLD CUP FINALS

For the 15th consecutive time since independence, India failed to qualify for the World Cup finals in soccer, to be played this year in Germany. Noting that the country had fared just as poorly in sports such as basketball and volleyball, Union Sports Minister Oscar Fernandes summed it up like this: "We Indians are just not used to big balls."

But he pointed out that India's worst loss during the World Cup qualifying round was only 7-0 to Japan. "In American football," he said, "that would be only one score. So it's not as bad as it looks."

He added that the All-India Football Federation had set high goals for 2010 and beyond. "In just a few years," he said, "we will be very proud of our Indian team. Our aim for the next World Cup is not to lose any game by more than five goals. We will put all 11 players between the goalposts if we need to."

Fortunately, Indian soccer fans will not have to wait until 2010 to enjoy World Cup success. Acclaimed Bollywood director Mahesh Bhatt, himself a frustrated soccer fan, is all set to produce a movie in which the Indian team not only qualifies for the World Cup in Germany, but beats Brazil 3-2 in the final. Who will score the winning goal? None other than 63-year-old Amitabh Bachchan. "It may seem farfetched," Bhatt said. "But what good is a Bollywood movie without Big B in it." He added that the movie's tentative title is "Bend it like Bachchan."

Bachchan will be known as the "Super Sub." He will enter the game in the 89th minute and score a quick goal, then lead the team in a five-minute celebratory dance. The team will also dance and sing during timeouts.

Bhatt expects the movie to be a blockbuster. "Millions of Indian men are eager to see our team finally win the World Cup," he said. "And Amitabh and the boys are going to do it in style. Everyone will leave the theaters filled with pride."

Time Pass

WHAT DO YOU CALL?

An Indian in a disco? Dan Singh.

An Indian in the ballroom? Walt Singh.

An Indian DJ? Mick Singh.

An Indian NASCAR driver? Ray Singh.

An Indian deli worker? Sly Singh.

An Indian golfer? Vijay Singh (gotcha).

JOVIAL MATRIMONIAL

(Excerpts from actual matrimonial ads on the Internet)

MODEL DOCTOR: "I have been born and brought up in the US but I am Indian at heart and wish to marry an Indian girl. I am pretty good looking and have done quite a bit of modeling. I am a doctor now, doing my last year at med. school. I earn $60000 p.a. but within a couple of years I will earn a lot more. I am willing to get to know anyone so please get in touch with me at your earliest convenience."

COMPUTER WHIZ: "I'm independent with positive attitude, financially settled, practical, emotionally stable. Currently working for a state university as Lab Manager (IT) and Professor in the Business Department. Computer Courses: HTML, Operating system, Computer Architecture, Computer Electronics/Hardware, and Database. Database: Microsoft Access, OS: MS-DOS, Windows XP, Applications: Microsoft Word, Excel, Power Point, Word Perfect, Outlook, Dreamweaver Internet Tools: Netscape, Internet Explorer, FrontPage."

GOOD-LOOKING AND HOMELY: "I am a good looking, intelligent, adjustable, loving homely girl, age 31, 5'6", currently working as RN in California."

FAIRLY FAIR: "On the looks front, I am very presentable. Since you have not met me, here are a few pointers that will serve as visual cues. I am 5-6 tall, straight hair, I am fairly fair and I am a fitness enthusiast and I go to the gym regularly."

(Identifying details were removed from these excerpts)

DESI FUN ONLINE

Canadian Indian stand up comic Russell Peters

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=russell+peters

A collection of Russell Peters' videos on Google, including a 58-minute New York City performance from the hilarious Indian comedian.

Conan O'Brien's Outsourcing Spoof

http://www.badmash.org/videos/conan.wmv

A funny 8-minute segment from the Conan O'Brien show on outsourcing to India.

"Blood Brothers" by Karmacy

http://www.rukusavenue.com/BB_Web_sub_bug_large.wmv

A music video with an emotional tug and excellent production values, from the desi hip-hop group Karmacy.

[Chai Time is compiled and partly written by Indian humorist MELVIN DURAI, exclusively for Khabar. We welcome your comments and contributions of jokes, quotes, online clips and more. Please write to comments@melvindurai.com ]


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