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Reminding The Critics Of Bush's Plan

October 2004
Reminding The Critics Of Bush's Plan

The Lighter Side

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney said something thought-provoking at the Republican National Convention: "Senator (John) Kerry denounces American action when other countries don't approve ? as though the whole object of our foreign policy were to please a few persistent critics." It made me wonder who these "few" persistent critics are, the ones who have the audacity ? no, recklessness ? to question the world's only superpower and its wise, compassionate leaders. Someone needs to remind them of the time America saved their sorry butts from the Germans ? or was it the Japanese? Perhaps it was the Vietnamese. Whoever it was, they should be eternally grateful to America and buy as many American goods and services as possible. It's only because of America that they're able to enjoy democracy and have the opportunity, once every four years, to send their ballots to Florida.

Could Cheney have been speaking of Christa Eden, a secretary in Frankfurt, Germany? "In no way would I vote for (George) Bush," she told the Associated Press. "He thinks that everything he does is right and tries to push it on the rest of the world." Someone needs to remind her that Bush, as a man of God, never makes mistakes. If something looks like a mistake, it's only because we don't understand Bush's grander plan for our lives. We need to trust him. As a good Christian, he believes in taking care of the poor, he goes out of his way to show his compassionate side, and he loves not just his friends, but also the Democrats.

Could Cheney have been speaking of Heike Warmuth, an Austrian woman involved in the "Europeans against Bush" movement? "The choice of a U.S. president is not something that affects America alone," Warmuth told the AP. "American politics affect the whole world, whether we're talking war or peace or the international economy." Someone needs to remind her that whether American politics affect the whole world is not the issue. The issue is whether the whole world, as Bush and Cheney have planned, is beginning to revolve around Planet America. It may take a few more wars, but eventually, all the nations of the world will join the new orbit. And even the North Koreans will get ESPN.

Could Cheney have been speaking of Italian banker Massimo Spizzichi? He told the AP that with Bush, "American politics has reached its lowest level." Someone needs to remind him of the Clinton years, when so many things seemed to reach their lowest level: unemployment, crime, the presidential zipper. Things were so bad that Clinton was almost removed from office for misleading the country and acting on his WMDs (wet Monica dreams). If you think the War on Terror has consumed too much money, you should have seen the War on Error.

Could Cheney have been speaking of Carolyn Parrish, a member of parliament in Canada? As Reuters reported, the outspoken Liberal isn't sold on America's planned missile defense system. "We are not joining the coalition of the idiots," she told a group of demonstrators. "We are joining the coalition of the wise." Someone needs to remind her that the coalition of the wise does not have a missile defense system. All they have are insignificant systems, such as a system of national healthcare. They apparently believe that more people die from disease than from terrorism. If they're so wise, how come they aren't subscribing to the White House Statistics Service?

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